I'm sorry.

If you really knew me
you would know that i was pulled out onto the ice,
and when i broke through,
Prudence ran away

You would know that i used to write from my heart,
but now i just write from the hole in the middle of me that everything falls into.

you would know that i don't have faith in god
but i still believe in him.

You would know that if i was adam, i wouldn't leave eve to walk with god.
who needs god if you have a good woman?

if you really knew me you'd know that i think of suicide a lot,
you'd know that i cut open my skin
hoping to bleed out my sadness

If you realy knew me you'd know that i'm angry with brandon for just leaving.
but as angry and sad as i am,
I am happy for the kid.
he did what i could never do,
he got out of this labrynth of life whose walls are built thick and tall with pain and suffering.
when god created us, he also created a giant pile of shit for us to carry.

Jealouis C.K.

No, this prompt has nothing to do with Louis C.K., although, i do think he is funny.

Musician, comedian, poet, and owner of his own publishing company, Derrick Brown. I would say i'm jealous, i would say i'm envious, somehow he figured out how to do everything, somehow he figured out how to make music good enough to open for guys like the flaming lips, and be funny enough to open for comedians like david cross, and have this incredible talent to write, and perform poetry.
But i guess this isn't about him either.
I guess it was supposed to be more about a guy named anis mojgani, and his poem entitled "the branches are full, and these orchards heavy" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvs-tBuSVLY&list=FLG2Uc-pNdNaHbnciepuoe3w&index=6&feature=plpp_video) he creates this fantastical imaginary world that is more real then the keyboard my fingers are punching. He speaks to men, men who have forgotten God, Men who have put money and possesions and themselves above god, men who refusual to believe what they hear and what they read, what they have been taught, he speaks to the men who are "cuting god out from their insides"
He speaks to god, he does not bow or kneel, he does not ask or whisper, he SCREAMS, he demands, he doesn't not humble himself, he lifts himself up and drags every question that man has ever had to offer god, and SCREAMS "I want to SEE YOU, i want to see your FACE."
I wish i could write like him, i wish i could perform like him, i wish i could make YOU feel, i wish i could write the poem that Kyle Nelson talks about in his poem (whose name escapes me) but i wish i could write that poem that makes you and him question god, that makes you want to pick up a phone and call your friend just to let them know that they missed out on something incredible, something that they will never be able to capture, I wish i could write a poem that makes someone jealous, i wish i could write a poem like "the branches are full, and these orchards heavy" because this is the kind of poem that Kyle was talking about.

So, I guess that this is really about Kyle Nelson.

with blood-stained fingers,
 Holden

For the Farmers

Thank you anis, for your beautiful poem,
Thank you Dan smith, for the opening lines,
Thank you Joshua James for telling ME to sing loudly.




This is for you. This is for me. This is for all of us. This is for the ones who only listened long enough to know that the person they are talking to has the same opinions they do. Sing Loudly.

This is for the early morning runners. This is for the musicians, and the people that BUY their records. This is for the ones who can't sing, This is for the ones whose records don't sell. Sing Loudly.

This is for the sign holders and the farmers. This is for the self-sustained. This is for the goat-milking, Sheep-sheering, mid-night-pickling, chicken-owning, garden-growing, farmers. Sing Loudly.

This is for the women with dirt under their fingernails. Sing Loudly.


This is for the kids who stopped dancing, and for the tone-deaf. This is for the girls with shaved heads, and the boys with balck nail polish. this is for the poets who will never be heard and for their notebooks that will never be read. Sing Loudly.

This is for the sixty-year-old couple who went to space camp for their thirty-second anniversary. This is for The old, and the young, for the mountains and for the rivers, for the valleys and for the forests, this is for alaska, and the pandemonium which lives within it. This is for the fighters. This is for the winners and the losers, for the liars and the cheaters, the honest and the modest. This is for the rich who are starving, and for the greedy poor. this is for the ones who never said they were strong. Sing Loudly.

This is for the five year old boys who make coffee for their drug-addicted, hung-over, single mother. Sing Loudly.

This is for the skinny-dippers and the lake swimmers. this is for the you. Sing Loudly.

This is for the ones whose voices will never be heard. Sing Loudly.

This is for the ones whose eyes have seen, for the ones whose minds have thought, and hearts have felt, for the ones whose hands create and feet that walk, for the mouths that dance, and the ones that talk even if their voice is not heard. Sing Loudly.

Let your voice be heard. This world hates your eyes and it hates your hands and your feet and your heart and your voice. So Sing Loudly. Scream at this world.

the hospitals are full from people cutting god out of their insides- Anis Mojgani

I keep forgetting that i can't cut God out of me.
I have swallowed his words. I know they are true.
No matter how sharp my knife;
no matter how deep the cut;
God and his words will flow through me,
they are deeper then me,
they are deeper then you,
they are deeper then us all.

I have torn the pages out of this book,
tied them together and swallowed them down;
i'm fishing gods words from my insides.

I have vomited these pages up,
I have swallowed them again.

I have circled words.
I have Memorized lines.
I have looked as deep as my eyes will let me.
And when i stand back,
all i see is
"I own YOU. I own THEM. I own HER. I own EVERYTHING and EVERYONE."

So I have torn the pages out of this book,
tied them together
and formed a noose.
The ink has left a permanant stain on my neck from trying to own myself.
come close, see for yourself.
The ink has left a permanant stain on my hands from fighting and fighting these words away, trying to show God that i own me, that i own myself. When will We own ourselves completely? When will these pages break the grip they have around me?

My lighter won't burn the wet pages.

This book was tied to my ankle.
It dragged me down
and held me under.

The light has since faded.
the fire has since been put out.
He still owns me.
and he knows that i will see the light again.
but
will i take it in?
will i build it up?

I was playing zelda six hours a day, i was drinking more mountain dew then ever, I must admit, i had a drinking problem. I didn't have a drivers liscense, I didn't have a girlfriend, i didn't have a life, i wore horrible shoes, i wore terrible pants, i wore v-necks and shorts, i wore flip flops, i had horrible hair, it was neat.
I was walking down the street, i saw a girl, she was pretty, I was nervous. i walked past her, she grabed my butt, i turned around, she winked, so i waved, she motioned for me to come over i shook my head, she motioned again, i shook my head she walked up to me, she hit me in the balls and ran.
i was walking down the street, and i saw her again, she didn't see me, i hid behind a tree, she was jogging, i jumped out and grabbed her by her hair, threw her head against the tree, put my hands around her neck, i could feel her legs kicking, i could feel her hands trying to pull my hands off, she went limp. i dragged her lifeless body to her parents house, i rang the doorbell and left.
i met a guy named rickety crickett. He saw me strangle that girl. He gave me some kicks and tight pants, told me to roll them up. he showed me how to spit it, showed me how to grow a beard, he tought me how to lay low, he took me with him to new york. i've been living here for a month now, i've killed four others since then.

I'm a dentist, and I drill people

His name was Greg, he was a dentist. WAS a dentist. One day while DRILLING the patient, he noticed something rather strange in the back of their mouth, it was some kind of tooth-like thing, it was small and green, with a a strip of crystals through it. It drove him crazy wondering what it was, he lost sleep, he pulled the wrong teeth, he ate the wrong food, he drank drain-o, jk, not really, but he was pretty SCREWED up (get it? screwed up? he is a dentist? funny right?) anywho, one night when he waqs alone in his office, "working late" he grabbed the patients file to "review" it, he took the address and with his boom box loud playing  brokencydes new album he kidnapped the patient hit him in the head with a bucket of golf balls and pulled the tooth!

After carefully studying the tooth, he realized that it wasn't a green tooth at all! it was a TIME MACHINE!
Where will he go!? what will he do when he gets there!? will he use this time machine for good, for bad, or for pleasure!? This post is horse shit.

or is it?

High school means nothing.

trailer trash- modest mouse
My name is Isacc, i'm eighteen, the eldest of three children. Growing up I fell asleep to my parents fighting, and woke up to them screaming. After my parents finally got a divorce I took it upon myself to take care of my little brothers and my kid sister. I live in a trailer, I work over 50 hours a week, and I'm in high school, although, It means nothing.

Pitchfork- Joshua James
Joshua  is in his mid twenties, He became a janitor to work his way through college--his boss is a high school drop out--appliances begin to break but Joshua can't seem to pay for them to be fixed. fighting between him and his lover due to finacial issues arise. His lover begins to wish she would have become an actress instead of running away to live and love with a small town farm boy.

How Firm a Foundation- Mormon Tabernacle Choir
Luci is a poor chinese school girl, she lives in poverty  both her parents went to high school and college, yet they barely make enough to pay the bills, she has problems with her self esteem so she starts to sleep around, one night while "in the act" she has a brilliant idea, she is going to make money off of one of her favorite activities.
After a few months she becomes extremely sick, she is poorer then ever due to her drug and alcohol abuse, but! she is also poor in spirit, one night after she did a two for one deal she saw something that caught her eye, it was a book, after reading the back page she realised that she needed to put her problems into the lords hands, she begins building a strong faith in the lord jesus christ, she becomes very religous, she puts her past behind her and rises to success, while traveling the U.S. talking to HIGH schoolers about not selling your body to the devil she encounters her EX-PIMP, WHAT WILL HE DO!?